Mental & Physical Health

     I want to talk about these pictures for a little bit.

     Although they may look like they have nothing in common they have a lot more than you think. These pictures were taken within 12 hours of each other. The first picture is the night I raced the 5k down in West Texas. The second picture was a selfie taken the morning after. I remember posting the first picture on Facebook a while ago, my friends and family commented on how "strong" I looked and congratulated me on the outcome of the race. Little did they know what actually happened the night of that race and the morning after when that selfie was taken. I stepped on the starting line of the race in extreme pain. I remember limping through my warm up, coating my legs in icy hot, begging my trainer to work some sort of miraculous tape job and popping Tylenol on the infield right before I took off my sweats to get on the line. For the first half-mile of this race I cruised comfortably along with the top pack, adrenaline masking the pain of my leg. On the second lap of the race I felt a pop, heard a pop in my right leg and stumbled. Although very concerned I ignored it and finished the race. My coach did not let me drop out. Afterwards I couldn't even jog my cool down, I could hardly walk to the bus to get home. I hadn't come in last but I certainly didn't race my best and my coach was mad at me for it. Once the bus driver dropped us off in Portales, New Mexico it took everything I had to crawl into my dorm room shower. There I huddled on the floor in the fetal position holding my leg, I laid under the hot spray and cried.

    The second picture was a selfie I took the morning after the race. I woke up and could not move. I could not put weight on my leg, I could not walk down to the cafeteria and get breakfast, I couldn't even flex my foot. This was around noon right before my teammate picked me up to take me to the emergency room. I took the picture because I thought my hair looked nice. When I arrived at the hospital I received 4 different x-rays and was told by the doctor to stop running immediately even though the x-rays did not show any sign of damage. I stopped running for 3 days. During those days I cross trained on the elliptical and bike as well as doing up to 30 minutes of core work in one session. I tried running afterwards. My leg buckled and would not allow me to push off my toes or stride out. I remember my coach yelling at me during practice because I had cross trained all week and should have been rested enough to "at least complete my drills." I was not allowed to skip any more workouts no matter how much pain I was in.

       The next week my trainer scheduled me an x-ray with another doctor downtown. I remember going in for the appointment completely alone. No parent, teammate, coach or friend with me. That doctors office was one of the loneliest places I have  ever been. After taking 4 more x-rays the sports physician who was working with me gave me the news. I had abnormal calcium buildup on my shins from the severe stress of over training. I had a stress reaction in my left leg, and a complete stress fracture in my right leg. If I had continued running until the end of the week I would have had two fractured legs and would have needed to be in a wheel chair for the remainder of the semester.

      There was a lot of things that attributed to my injury. I was taking 17 credits, averaged 4-5 hours of sleep at night and ran at least 10 miles a day. On Mondays I would run up to a cumulative of 15-17 miles. Weekly I averaged about 70 miles. Poor nutrition, poor communication with my coach, poor coaching and overtraining all played a part in my injury. And to be honest I was so relieved when that doctor put me in a boot. Training injured was ruining my love for the sport and all I wanted to do was stop. I hated going to the track for workouts where I was told to keep running even if it hurt. I hated the sharp stabbing pains the went up and down my legs every time I moved faster than a walk. I had already decided to transfer schools before I was injured but after my injury there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I needed to get out. There was a lot of good things about going to school in New Mexico but they weren't good enough to make me stay and run for a team who's coaching style made me so injured. My mental health took a downward spiral and I started having nightmares, body aches, and nausea. The amount of credits (17) that I was taking mixed with the amount of running I was doing and the lack of support I felt from my team almost broke me. I was completely alone.

     Four months later I am now able to run again. I run with my headphones in not even caring about how slow my pace is. I stop when my legs hurt and continue running once they don't. My new coach emails me weekly on my progress and has showed me nothing but support, compassion, kindness, and enthusiasm.  I have gained a little bit of weight since these pictures were taken, I sleep 8 hours a night, and eat whatever my body wants to eat. I am happy and healthy and have vowed never again to race for a coach who forces me to run injured. Please remember to take care of yourself and that:

     Your mental & physical health is more important than your sport.

Your mental & physical health is more important than your scholarship or contract.

Your mental & physical health is more important than your coach.

Your mental & physical health is more important than the number of credits you're taking.

 You're the only one who knows your body completely. If someone forces you to compete through immense pain just leave.
Get out of the situation.

Always put your health and safety first before the expectations of others.