I took my pink sneakers off after icing both my injured and non-injured lower legs and really looked at the difference between them. As a long distance athlete I've always prided myself on having a strong body; strong legs, strong core, strong arms, strong heart. Tonight I broke down in tears as I saw a tiny, unmuscular, atrophied right leg next to my muscular, defined, much larger left leg. I felt completely defeated and didn't even recognize my body. How am I ever going to get back to where I once was? I asked myself along with so many more questions. I should be riding the bike longer. I should double up on rehab. I should be working out harder. All these nasty thoughts popped into my mind as I sat there holding my slightly sore, very atrophied right leg while crying, trying to fix my current situation.
I think any athlete can empathize with what I've been going through. Yes, I have had a stress fracture before, but it was in my left foot and the stakes weren't as high because I wasn't a college athlete then. All I've been thinking about is showing up to my transfer school unprepared to run for my new team. I don't want to let my new coaches down, I don't want to disappoint my teammates, I don't want to not meet my goals, and I certainly don't want to get reinjured. URG!!!!
It's been a tough road. My running career has had a lot more injuries than most, especially for someone as young as I am. I just want it so bad! I want to be out there on the starting line, healthy, fast and strong. I want to be the most powerful athlete I can be. My stress fracture isn't a roadblock down the path to my dreams, its just a detour on the way. Even though it's incredibly discouraging to see my atrophied leg it's still the same leg. This fractured leg is still the same leg that's ran tens of thousands of miles, won countless amounts of races, competed in nationally ranked championships, and raced to the tops of mountains. This atrophied leg is still strong. It always has been and it always will be. Just because it hurts to take the dogs outside for the bathroom or walk upstairs doesn't mean that I wont be back to where I used to be. Give me a 3 or 4 months and I'll probably be complaining about morning workouts, weekend long runs and sore muscles. My legs will look the same and I will look back on this injury knowing it was just another challenge. Nothing worth loosing my mind over.
The truth is if you love something you're going to get hurt. Regardless of what you love and the precautions you take. If you put your heart and soul into something you're going to get hurt and that's not a bad thing. If you never get hurt it either means you aren't trying hard enough or you don't care. That's what I love about running some much, you can pour your whole soul into it and amazing spectacular things come as the result. But sometimes they don't. And when they don't it sucks and you might cry a little. But for me the good always outweighs the bad. Even without legs I'd still find away to run because gosh darn it that's just what I do.And I don't plan on letting any setbacks stop me because in the end there is no finish line.
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